Deep
by potterprose
Summary: Horrible plot, out of character characters, and insane dialogue. Three things that make up the worst stories in the world, but the best parodies. Enjoy.


[AUTHOR'S NOTE] – I haven't given D/G a go, have I? Well I believe its time, my friends.

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Ginny Weasley was DEEP. Not deep in an ocean kind of way, but deep as in "Look at the stars, there are so many. The universe is so fucking big!", kind of way. In fact, that's what she was saying the night it all happened. The night she fell in love. It's true. It was a World Wizarding Record. She fell in love in approximately two hours (two pages for the fan fiction readers out there *wink*). Anyway.

She was sitting there in the astronomy tower, in all of its sexual tension-ish glory, when she said to herself, "Look at the stars, there are so many. The universe is so fucking big!" That's when Draco Malfoy stepped out of the shadows and said, "You know what else is big?" in a deep, seductive tone.

Immediately, Ginny and her innocence, along with her deepness, got up to her feet and said, "No. But I could take a guess.. sweet thang." She was no longer Ron's baby sister. She had grown up. And if someone was talking in sexy voices and wearing skimpy clothes, that was MATURE. **M-A-T-U-R-E.**

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Her hair was no longer red. It turns out she was naturally blonde. Her freckles had also disappeared, and her skin was very tan. Also she decided to grow breasts. How someone decides to grow their breasts and succeeds, I am not sure. But if you have found the secret, please contact me.

Moving on. So Ginny was pretty. "Virginia, my love," Draco said. Ginny gasped. "You.. you called me by my first name!! YOU LOVE ME!"

"It's true," Draco said, "One cannot deny their true love once they have spoken the real first name of their loved one. And yeah."

"Hmm. Sounds great.. Dra – Malfoy." Once again, Ginny gasped. Why could she not say Dr-Malfoy's first name?!

"My love, it is because we have not yet snogged."

"Oh ok." 

So they snogged. And the author did a really bad job at describing it because they HAVE NO EXPERIENCE. Nevertheless, they stole really cliché terms to sound like they knew something such as, "Ginny tingled at his touch. Draco made a sexy moaning sound at the back of his throat. Ginny's tongue was in his mouth. Draco grinded his hips against her and Ginny thought it felt nice." But it got the point across. They kissed. They snogged. They played tonsil hockey. They hit it off. The hooked up. They made out.

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Suddenly, without warning, RON came into the tower! His super brother sense had lead him to wherever he would find his innocent baby sister snogging an unsuspecting fellow. He gasped.

"GINNY!!"

"RONALD!" 

And they got into a fight. Ron took the time to mention that Draco was his worst enemy, from Slytherin, evil, and his dad was a Death Eater. Ginny slapped Ron and told him she wasn't innocent, she was mature, she was DEEP, and that she could get it on with anyone she chose. She then proceeded to say, "I mean, fuck, Ron! I could make out with Hermione if I wanted to!" Draco stepped in and said, "Do you mean that?"

"Uh, yeah," Ginny said unsurely.

"Well if it's going to happen, tell me beforehand. I'd like to see that."

Ron made a face that meant something similar to, "That's gross because it's my sister and my girlfriend, BUT DAMN THATD BE COOL. TWO CHICKS!"

Suddenly, the author remembered that Harry Potter et al. are not from America. They are from EEEEEENGLAND.

Ron said, "Jolly good. Would anyone fancy some tea and crumpets?"

"Oh yes, Ronald. That would be just lovely," Ginny said.

"I say, Ronald. You make a smashing cup of tea. Do tell me, may I shag Virgina senseless now?" Draco asked very kindly.

"Of course, Draco. Do be sure to wear a rubber. The prospect of my baby sister being pregnant is a ghastly idea. I say, it would be quite horrible."

So as Ron was sipping on his tea, Draco took Virgina all the way down to China Town. And they got it on, my friends. They got it on.

"Oh DRACO!!"

And that's when she knew she was in love. She said his first name. She was DEEP.

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[AUTHOR'S NOTE] – SO yuh, REVIEW!


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